i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
