I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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