I wish I could teleport
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
