Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
She told me I should be a condom model.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
