Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
