i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
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