thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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