I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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