Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
