Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
