I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
