She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
