I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I showed him my bush... on skype.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I wish there were birth control emojis
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
