oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
