Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Randomize
