4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
