If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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