Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Terrible idea I love it
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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