her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
