i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Randomize
