We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
