Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
