so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
