Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
