k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
