Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
it's great music for shaving your balls
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
