pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
