Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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