I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
