Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
