the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
