I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
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