I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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