he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Randomize
