How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize