you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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