One girl and one boy is just not enough.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
We need to rekindle our bromance
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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