I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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