Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
