I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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