just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
