I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize