hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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