Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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