Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
