I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
