yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
