i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
It's rum buckets o'clock
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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