New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I have aggressive nipples.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
