I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
