This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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