Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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