im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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