Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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