chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
