Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
