i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
