how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
