Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
