8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
