Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
