Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
