I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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