Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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