If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
