So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
