So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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