I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
