Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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