I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
