I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
