It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
