just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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