we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
