he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize
