i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
