Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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