Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
