I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
