then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize