i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Hello my rib-scented angel!
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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