I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
