So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
