Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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