he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
