I got chris browned last night
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
We need to feng shui this bitch.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
