Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
