I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Pants are for mortals
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
