She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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