When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize