Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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