just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
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