So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
