Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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